Step 1: Avoid the company portal at all costs.

Step 2: Convince yourself that Columbus Day is a company holiday, while not actually consulting the holiday list hidden on said company portal.

Step 3: Take the Friday before off to take advantage of the long weekend.

Step 4: Make reservations to go camping until that Monday.

Step 5: Discover that Columbus Day isn't actually a company holiday.

Step 6: Take a vacation day.

Step 7: Decide that it is life's way of saying "slow down."